Twilight Saga: New Moon

Year Released: 2009
Main Stars:  Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, some other less moany types.
Last watched:  May 2013
Review Date:  May 2013
Number Watches: 1 (kill me if I ever increase that number)
Format Watched: TV

I’d convinced myself that billions of kids can’t be wrong bleating over these movies so I recorded this one and eventually went for the watch.

Within minutes I had no idea why this crap was made. I mean, this is the second one – how did they ever manage to get through the first let alone think there was enough lurching, heel dragging left for a sequel. If you’re British then you’ll know what I mean when I say this is a Kevin movie but without the humour. For everyone else, think children in school who don’t want to do what they’re told, then add a touch of vampire, a hair ball of werewolf and squeeze everything of any fun from them before burying the whole lot under a stupid, girly remorseful, angst driven romance. Surely these actors can do better.

There’s one scene – ONE SCENE – that has any use and that’s a fight in Italy. It lasts for about three minutes. Is that really worth crawling through the drossy, saggy faced trash?

No.

Oh, god, there’s another one. Where’s the laudanum.

Keep DVD?
Good god, no.

Watch if on TV?
I’d rather watch a slug.

Snog, Marry, Avoid?
Avoid, like you would any depressing teenager.

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About Simon Trail

There has long been a tradition that a knight will show a crest and / or motto of his family. I shall endeavour to provide such a distinguishing and immediately descriptive thingy over my management of this site. Please be patient. Or Doctor if you're David Tennent.
This entry was posted in Crap, Film Review, Romantic. Bookmark the permalink.

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